Greater Harrisburg's Community Magazine

Student Scribes: The View of Your Back

Inspired by Jo Ann Beard’s essay “Maybe it Happened”

And I never thought that I would be sitting here looking at your back as you put your shirt back on. And I never thought that you would take it off once you saw the photo that I took. And I never thought that you would climb the cliff again. And I never thought that you would pose so elegantly as the sun was shining so beautifully behind you so that I could only see your outline. And I never thought that I was capable of snapping 527 photos that day. And I never thought that I could love you. And I never thought that you could get more attractive. And I never thought I would be sitting outside your house at midnight dropping you off. And I never thought that you would leave without a hug. And I never thought that you would just walk into your house without saying goodbye. And I never thought that I would sit on my bed waiting for you to text me.

How could I think that this one experience was going to change anything? How could I think that hiking for a photo shoot would make you fall in love with me? How could I think, after only a few short weeks, that you would be the one? How could you not even say goodbye that night? How could you only look at me with a faint smile? How could you close the door without even a wave? How could I possibly stay away even though my friends told me that you are just a little wiener? How could I sit on my bed editing your photos and not think about you? How could I fix the exposure of each image without staring at your face? How could I not get aroused when your complexion is close to perfection? How could I not perfect each photograph that I took while you were sucking your stomach in on the mountainside? How could I think that you would fall in love with me after a single day?

My friends told me that you were not right for me. My friends told me that would drag me through the mud and leave me alone and dirty. My friends told me that I should just move on, but I never thought I would have fallen so hard for you. My friends told me that you are stuck in the past and that maybe you are afraid of committing to someone. My friends told me that you are just using me for attention, but I can never think of you any other way. My friends told me that I need to move on and that I should just find someone new. My friends told me that liking you is just a phase, but every time that you speak I get lost in your voice. My friend told me that you are keeping me on the back burner, and I never understood that maybe you are. My friend told me that I need to move on, and after everything that we have been through maybe I should.

My friends told me that you were not ready for a relationship and I never thought that you would prove them right, but how could I think that any of us are capable of love?

Austin Shay graduated from Penn State Harrisburg in May 2017 with an English major and a writing minor.

Continue Reading