Illustration by Rich Hauck.
For the past few years, TheBurg has done an annual “April Fools” parody, poking fun at some of the more ridiculous aspects of life here in central PA.
We’ve taken shots at the mayor (repeatedly), the county commissioners, City Council and, just a few times, at our area’s website of record over there on the West Shore, among many other targets.
My apologies to fans of the “Fake News Digest,” but we’re taking a break this year from the mockery. Maybe it’s because “fake news” has jumped the shark (we were fake news before fake news was real). Or maybe it’s the toxic political climate. But I just don’t feel funny and refuse to put slices of bologna into my shoes (any old Steve Martin fans out there?).
The spirit of April Fools, however, isn’t completely lost. I thought this would be a good month to revisit some of the things that, in hindsight, seem a little foolish to me. Not that they weren’t serious concerns at one point. They were. However, I believe that time has shown them to be more “truthy” than true.
The Harrisburg Strong Plan is doomed to failure.
Yes, you can argue that the jury is still out on of the city’s financial recovery plan. However, Harrisburg hasn’t collapsed over the past four years. In fact, the budget is balanced, services are coming back and the city continues to redevelop. That said—the plan’s benefits were certainly oversold by its creators, requiring the city to make numerous adjustments along the way. And Mayor Eric Papenfuse has warned repeatedly that the rescue could still go south if the city isn’t allowed to retain its extra taxing authority. But, for all its faults, Harrisburg Strong has delivered on, maybe, 75 percent of its promise, which has turned out to be good enough to allow the city to get back on its feet after being essentially bankrupt.
Parking rates will kill downtown.
Is $3 for an hour of street parking ridiculous? Yes, it is. However, it has not led to the exodus of customers and businesses that many insisted was coming. Much of the credit goes to the excellent restaurants in downtown Harrisburg, which attract customers despite the cost of parking and the resulting press pile-on. And some credit goes to the administration, which, though powerless to mandate change, has worked around its weak position to find creative solutions to reduce the burden of high rates. In fact, my biggest parking bugaboo isn’t even the cost of street parking but of garage parking. High street rates were supposed to push motorists into cheaper, half-empty garages, but garage rates have increased so much that they’re now higher than street rates. This makes no sense. And that brings me to my greatest continuing concern—that operator SP+ seems out of touch with the reality on the ground in Harrisburg. Someone needs to tell those guys in Chicago to turn off the sum function on their spreadsheet app and try to understand that higher rates don’t automatically add up to more revenue.
Front Street redesign will lead to chaos.
Traffic backed up to Division Street. Gridlock on the side streets. Bicyclists getting tossed about like toothpicks. These were some of the common predictions after PennDOT reduced much of Front Street to two lanes and added a bike lane. None of that has come to pass. Except for a few minutes around the morning and evening rush, traffic usually flows freely and, with the addition of a shoulder, more safely. Traffic, in fact, flows so well that the greatest concern continues to be speeding drivers and their refusal to brake for pedestrians at crosswalks. But, all in all, the redesign of Front Street has been a huge step forward, making for a road that is far more attractive and better integrated with the city and its beautiful surroundings on the river.
The state is itching to take over the Harrisburg School District.
The Harrisburg School District continues to face considerable financial and academic challenges, as outlined recently in the district’s “Recovery Plan Update.” In fact, the district seems likely to miss its recovery goals again, especially on the flagging academic side. Back in 2013, the initial recovery plan carried the explicit threat of a state takeover of the district by the 2016-17 school year if goals weren’t met. Goals have not been met, yet no one seems concerned anymore that the state’s real goal was to turn Harrisburg into some kind of right-wing educational diorama.
Mayor Eric Papenfuse will be a stooge to his rich backers
Now that we’re back in campaign season, this talk has started again. Don’t believe it. Like him or not, Papenfuse has profound confidence in his own abilities, doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and, in my opinion, would sometimes be better off accepting outside counsel. Do you think that any donor thought it was a good idea for him to rumble with the Dauphin County Commissioners, the Regional Chamber or the Visitor’s Bureau? Of course not. Now that he’s been mayor for a term, Papenfuse is even less likely to be swayed by his contributors. So, if Papenfuse is re-elected, we should expect a mayor in all his positivity and pugnaciousness, his sureness and sourness—but maybe even more so.
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Years ago, someone said to me, “The biggest problem I have with the press is that you guys write a story but then never follow up later.” I had to agree with him. News isn’t relevant only when there’s a problem or outrage. It’s also news, perhaps more important news, when a problem is solved or an issue clarified, even if that involves years of small, unsexy steps that don’t make for clickable headlines. But I guess that’s just the fool in me talking.
Lawrance Binda is editor-in-chief of TheBurg.
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