Itchy. Exposed. Embarrassed. As a kid who loved sports, I couldn’t wait for sixth-grade gym class!
Unlike elementary school recess, middle school required a gym uniform. Somehow, Pottstown School District thought it was a good idea to keep reusing ‘70s-era frayed and dingy polyester shorts at a length that would even make Daisy Duke blush. This was my first interaction with bonafide workout gear, I guess. Needless to say, by eighth grade I over-compensated with Iverson-inspired ankle-length AND 1 basketball shorts. Phat.
Nowadays, there is an equally ridiculous workout clothes trend dominating men’s style dubbed “athleisure.” Sure, this has been in the women’s realm for quite some time that can be summed up in two words—yoga pants. High-end designers have been trying to cash in by pumping selfie-taking gym-bros on Pinterest and Instagram with $1,000 “street tech” drop-crotch sweatpants. I’m not here to endorse what will likely be the AND1 shorts of this late decade. However, there is room for compromise in 2017.
History has not always been on our side, fellas. Ancient Greek athletes ditched those togas and went full-on Zeus-nude to compete in games. Loose-fitting textiles gave jousters mobility in medieval times, except for the hefty, ironclad armor. Variations of burlap wool and thick cotton were mainstays of uniforms, leisure activity wear and swamp butt until a wonderful creation in 1959—Spandex. (Cue Eddie Murphy in “The Nutty Professor,” “Spandex! All Spandex!”) The ‘80s fitness craze would never be the same. This led Under Armour founder, Kevin Plank, to use satin bras to create his first moisture-wicking workout shirt prototype. Although, I bet he had a lot of explaining to do with all those cut-up bras in his dorm room.
Between the velour tracksuits and galactic-patterned three-quarter-length tights—what’s a guy to do? Keep it simple and keep it classic. Minimalism is best in this office-to-gym-to-date-to-Netflix-and-chill genre. Be a wooly mammoth and look for gear marketed as “SmartWool.” Natural Merino wool has the breathability, moisture-wicking, odor-resistant and quick-drying properties as most big brand items you’d find in Dick’s Sporting Goods. Try a muted, lightweight Merino crew ($49 Patagonia.com). For the crunchiest workout tee you might ever own, roll up in a dope Jungmaven’s hemp tee. Hemp’s woven fibers are breathable and more durable than cotton, which means it will not stretch out or lose its color as quickly. This shirt also has deodorant defense in the pits ($38 jungmaven.com).
Prima soft cotton is once again a long-term solution for summer shorts. American Giant has three options of mixed-cotton shorts for a fantastic combination of form and relaxed function ($44 americangiant.com).
You may have spotted me running along the riverfront in neon yellow everything (**cough** last week). But I am willing to dip my toe in the athleisure pool around the city this summer. Please, don’t swim in the deep-end men’s section of Lululemon.
If you’re ready to detox to retox after your summer sweat, wear my SPM-sanctioned athleisure, which will make you look phat.
To cool down further, sip on this refreshing elixir in a lawn chair with friends.
PHAT Gym Rat
12 oz. ginger ale
2 light beers
1/3 lime juice (3 limes squeezed)
Pour the beer, lime juice and ginger ale into a pitcher and give it a swirl. Serve over ice in a glass and garnish with a sprig of mint to be bad & bougie.
Author: Dave Marcheskie
