In August, I stepped onto the Penn State Harrisburg campus prepared to take on my final semester as a graduate student. I stepped onto campus knowing I only had 15 short weeks until I’d be walking across the Giant Center stage with my master’s degree.
In August, I stepped onto campus a new mother.
Before leaving for my first night class of the semester, I made sure to warn my 10-year-old about her screen time (YouTube will probably rot her brain in the three hours I would be gone), and I reminded my 2-year-old that vanilla yogurt is not a substantial dinner, no matter how many times he says, “But yes, it is.” Finally, I gave my 2-month-old a kiss on his forehead and wished my fiancé the best of luck while I was gone.
When you think about all the things that college students have to be concerned about, it’s easy to understand why they are so quickly overcome with stress. Mounds of coursework, projects, clubs, sports and exams; many college students also have part-time or full-time jobs outside of school, and they quickly find themselves juggling their academic responsibilities and their work schedules. All of that is hard enough to handle, but if you throw children into the mix, it becomes that much more difficult.
People constantly ask me how I do it. How do I keep going, keep moving forward with my education, with three young children in tow? Usually when they ask, I chuckle and make a joke—lots of coffee and no sleep. Over the years, I’ve learned to weave my academic life into the hectic personal life that I have: classes during the day, family time and helping with homework (and we can’t forget sports and church and countless other extracurricular activities) until it’s time for bed. Studying and schoolwork get done after the kids are in bed, and a few quick hours of sleep get squeezed in before I have to wake up and do it all again the next day. My life is a delicate balance, and I am constantly changing, adapting and recalibrating to keep that balance.
Continuing my education has been a challenge, and I often find myself continuously frustrated by the things that are beyond my control. For a while, I thought I was wrong for feeling stressed and for feeling like I was constantly at my breaking point; there are so many others in the world who have lives much worse than my own, others who have real reason to be stressed out or frustrated. The truth, I’ve learned over the last few years, is that it’s perfectly OK to feel frustrated and to feel like there’s no possible way you can handle anything else being thrown in your direction.
Taking that first step can be terrifying and, even though I’ve been in college for almost eight years, every semester provides me with new challenges and new struggles. Juggling the intense coursework of my final few graduate classes with my chaotic home life with three children is proving to be the most difficult challenge to date. Struggling to tweak and recalibrate my daily schedule to accommodate softball practices, Girl Scout meetings, diaper changes and meltdowns about what shoes we’re going to wear to leave the house. Squeezing in 30-minute study sessions and consuming copious amounts of caffeine while praying that I’m giving each of my children the attention they need and deserve.
But this semester is also providing me with new opportunities. It’s providing me with the chance to prove to myself that I’m capable of achieving my goals, of reaching my dreams. It’s providing me with the chance to show my children that they are capable of doing anything they set their minds to, regardless of the obstacles they encounter before they get there. My children are what push me to do better, to be better, and I wholeheartedly embrace the struggles and challenges that come. The early morning hours spent cuddling my newborn while reading Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” for the 50th time and the afternoon hours sitting outside while my son and daughter throw sand at one another (despite my urges to please keep the sand in the sandbox) seem like hurdles I’ll never jump right now, but, in the end, I’ll be able to look back and laugh at those moments. Because those were the moments that pushed me to where I am right now.
In August, I stepped onto campus unsure of the path I would be taking to reach my goals, but knowing that I was taking a step in the right direction.
Sara Stevenson graduated with a double major in English and interdisciplinary humanities in 2016. In December, she will earn her master’s degree in humanities from Penn State Harrisburg.
