Floyd Stokes
“If you’re looking for unicorns and rainbows, turn the page. But if you want a real-life story about growing up the hard way and still finding that strong person inside, keep reading.”
This is the voice of Tamika Wesley, one of about 50 speaking through “How We Found Our Pride: Letters to a Young Queer.”
The locally produced book, published in fall 2021, presents letters from LGBTQ+ people, plus a few allies, that illuminate their experience in tones ranging from heartbreaking to humorous, from painful to insightful. Each story differs, but all lead to pride, authenticity and advice on finding your tribe.
The book was the brainchild of Floyd Stokes, executive director of American Literacy Corp. in Harrisburg. As he was planning for how to celebrate Pride Month, he remembered a favorite book, “Letters to a Young Brother,” by Hill Harper. For young Black men who rarely see themselves in a positive light, the book offered encouragement and advice.
Stokes wondered if he could do something similar for young LGBTQ+ people, reflecting their struggles, their fight against stereotypes, and their ability to rise above adversity and find success.
With financial support from Capital Blue Cross, Stokes pulled together a local team of artists, editors, advisers and backers to make the project happen.
“There’s so many aspects and so many positive things that have come out of the book,” Stokes said. “A reason why we created the book was to give young people a chance to read other testimonies from people who have overcome obstacles.”
The letters encompass the range of human experience in its racial, ethnic, age and gender diversity. They include a genderfluid 8-year-old, a Fulbright Scholar from Utah, accountants, entertainers and artists, political operatives, teachers and elected officials. Their voices say:
“And she chose love.”
“I see so much pain behind your eyes.”
“All the lying and hiding was eroding my integrity.”
Wesley, a Harrisburg mental health provider, helped Stokes devise the concept and contributed a letter sharing her journey of trials and acceptance and her commitment to helping young people find safe havens. She found the book “inspirational,” especially at a time when more people are coming out, including trans individuals.
“‘How We Found Our Pride’ gives that inspiration to people that they can still have positive effects from coming out,” Wesley said. “They don’t have to be scared. There’s support out there. There’s help out there.”
Wesley and many other authors address the intergenerational dynamics they navigated and, often, the growth of parents and grandparents from resistance to acceptance. Wesley attributes their initial resistance to “the fear and ‘I don’t knows’ and stigma” they grew up with.
“Over time, they see that sexuality and gender does not depict the person themselves,” she said. “I’m still going to be a great person regardless of my sexual orientation. Love is love.”
Next Level
Proceeds from the book funded scholarships awarded by ALC to HACC students last fall and again this coming fall.
“In everything, I believe in education,” Stokes said. “Life is difficult, but you’re better off with an education than without. You can better navigate the obstacles in life. You’re better able, when you stumble, to get up, dust yourself off, and stand on your own two feet.”
In a letter submitted by John J. “Ski” Sygielski, the HACC president shares the memory of finally coming out by publicly thanking his husband of 30 years during his HACC presidential inauguration.
“Were we mocked and jeered?” he wrote. “Not at all! In fact, my husband received more applause than I did!”
LGBTQ+ students have faced ridicule in classrooms and playgrounds their whole lives, said Sygielski. HACC policies “accept and we support everybody,” creating campuses that students consider to be safe spaces.
Some LGBTQ+ students struggle to get or keep jobs due to discrimination and workplace bullying, Sygielski said. The Pride Scholarship, HACC’s newest, tackles that barrier by “letting our LGBTQ community know that there are individuals and organizations that are there to support them in their academic work in the hopes that they will achieve their professional goals, so they can then be employed at some of our major employers in the area.”
In the book, Emily Taylor, of Lower Paxton Township, shared her story of growing up in a conservative Christian household, the painful process of coming out, and the realization that “coming out and owning my truth and my identity was and continues to be worth it.”
Today, Taylor said that she submitted the letter because, “I know what I’ve been through in my personal journey and how difficult that was in many ways.”
“Having people in our communities who are visible and in leadership positions or in positions to have an impact on others and are willing to be open and honest about who they are, it helps other people be more comfortable and see things differently,” Taylor told TheBurg.
Like Taylor, many letter authors wrote about fears that their sexuality or gender status would suppress their careers. Many, however, found embracing their true selves freed them to fully utilize their talents. That was part of Taylor’s story, and she has now “gone to the next level” as HR director for a health care provider.
“Who I am is always going to be a part of how I do things,” she said. “I’m going to always value diversity. I’m going to always want to champion any kind of aspect of diversity because I know what that feels like.”
Candid & Clear
The book is making its way to personal libraries, including the collection of Dr. Vicki Basktecki-Perez, president of Montgomery County Community College. Gifted to her by Sygielski, she shares it with others as a book “that fosters a sense of belonging and offers a candid and clear look” at the personal stories within the LGBTQ+ community.
“It really helps us look at humanity as not binary in anything, whether you look at gender, whether you look at expression, race, ethnicity,” Bastecki-Perez said. “It’s not necessarily just a binary process. It’s fluid.”
Bastecki-Perez leads a campus culture celebrating equity, diversity and belonging for all, and she pinpoints the Pride book’s most valuable takeaway as the notion “that someone can live an authentic life and be happy, be joyous, be healthy and be successful.”
She added that she knows of youth who have shared the book with their peers, so “that singular book has touched more than one life.”
The book’s allies include Leigh-Ann Reitze, who has proudly embraced rainbows in her clothing and décor since her son came out as gay. She has learned everything she can about the LGBTQ+ community so she can proudly stand beside her son, even when he’s rolling his eyes, but those moments have led to incredible experiences—the coincidence of being in Ireland during the Dublin Pride Parade, and a Brooklyn visit this spring to attend a Pride festival and visit Stonewall, a trip they’re calling the “great gay May vacay.”
In her letter, Reitze urges readers who aren’t fortunate enough to have a loving family to find the “people out there who will love you for who you are. Do the things that you’re passionate about, and those generous souls will find you.”
At the book release party, Reitze read a selection from her letter, surprised to find herself getting emotional. Afterwards, another letter author called her “the perfect mom.” Recently, she loaned a copy to a new transgender coworker.
“They took it home, and their girlfriend is reading it right now,” said Reitze. “They said it was really cool.”
Reitze also took the time to read the entire book—it’s a breezy 127 pages—and came away with “a sense of community. I just loved the concept of the book. It’s a nice, easy read about other people in the same boat as us.”
“How We Found Our Pride: Letters to a Young Queer” can be purchased directly from the American Literacy Corporation at www.superreader.org or from Amazon.com.
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