Terry Sweeney stopped coming to downtown Harrisburg last month, even though several of the restaurants on 2nd Street are among his favorites.
He felt he had no choice. The increased cost of parking was putting a huge dent in his monthly budget.
“I simply can’t afford the parking or the tickets,” said the Mechanicsburg resident. “I’m not sure anyone can.”
Sweeney was more accurate in his assessment than he may have realized.
Parking operator Standard Parking last month said its internal studies revealed that there is not enough dollar-denominated currency in circulation in the greater Harrisburg area to pay for the new parking rates.
So, according to spokesman Rob Porter, it’s begun to retrofit its new meters to accept bitcoins, the digital currency that some regard as a legitimate form of money.
“We took a closer look at our budget for 2014 and realized that, in fact, the citizens of Harrisburg do not actually have sufficient American currency—or really sovereign currency of any kind—to meet our revenue projections,” Porter said. “And one way to close that gap is for residents to tap into the shadowy, unregulated underworld of a Japanese software eccentric’s technological fantasy.”
Software developer Satoshi Nakamoto created bitcoin just five years ago as an alternative to traditional, country-sanctioned forms of money. Bitcoins are not controlled by nations or central banks, but use computers on a network to confirm bitcoin transactions and mint new currency.
Mayor Eric Papenfuse said that he “warmly welcomes” the prospect of bitcoin-compatible parking meters.
“It’s just so exciting,” he said. “It’s a terrific example of exactly the kind of public/private/shadow economy partnership that I’ve been touting all along. Once again, Harrisburg is on the cutting edge of creative financing.”
Papenfuse then went on to list all the “really neat things” the city would be able to buy when Harrisburg receives its share of bitcoin revenue: sushi from a restaurant in Palo Alto, Calif.; a college degree from the University of Cyprus; black market cigarettes; the ability to wager in online casinos.
Other city officials were taking a more cautious approach to the development.
“The founding fathers and Ronald Reagan didn’t need any bitcoin,” said Councilwoman Sandra Reid. “I say this to un-American bitcoin: Four score and seven years ago!”
Reid added that, following several neighborhood hearings, she would urge the city to reconsider its embrace of the virtual currency. When reminded that the city no longer owns or controls the parking system, she responded, “When did this happen? Why wasn’t I consulted?”
Council President Wanda Williams said she was still studying the issue, but would read an hour-long, prepared statement defending her position once she makes up her mind.
Indeed, bitcoin has become increasingly controversial since it began to be embraced last year, mostly by day traders, tech geeks and people who believe that modern civilization is a fiction whose time of reckoning is at hand.
One problem is the potential that the currency will collapse altogether, a possibility heightened by events like February’s theft of $477 million in bitcoins from Mt. Gox, a virtual currency giant, by online hackers.
If that happens, said spokesman Porter, Standard Parking may have to fall back on its “Plan B”: accepting the city’s physical assets as a form of substitute payment.
“We’ll take anything, really,” Porter said. “Civil war museums, minor league ballparks, state Capitol buildings, parking systems. Oh right, we already got that last one.”
He said, in a pinch, he’d even accept private houses.
“We’d generously lease them back to the old owners,” he said, “as long as their tribute—I mean rent—is paid in bitcoins.”
“Anything except sewer pipes,” he added. “You can keep those.”
The potential downside, however, does not concern former city receiver William Lynch, who said he approves of what he called bitcoin’s “essential characteristic”: the fact that no one really understands what it is or how it works.
“That same characteristic was the key to the whole receivership and the recovery plan,” said Lynch, who then winked, boarded a helicopter and flew away up the Susquehanna.
Upon further reporting, TheBurg has learned that nothing in this story actually happened, was said by the individuals quoted or paraphrased or is otherwise accurate. Happy April Fools, Harrisburg! (with inspirational credit to #ScotchinTheBurg)
