For years, Susanne Conner found herself in an extended child custody dispute with her estranged husband.
She wanted the problem resolved, but thought that going the traditional route would lead to even more complications and big legal bills.
“(My husband) was trying to get custody of our daughter, and I knew that he was doing it out of anger,” said Conner of Lower Paxton Township. “I knew that if we took it to the lawyers, it would just be business and anger and not a lot of negotiations.”
That’s when Conner discovered Neighborhood Dispute Settlement, or NDS, a nonprofit community mediation center based in Harrisburg since 1978. The free service helps residents in Dauphin, Cumberland and Perry counties resolve conflicts outside of the court system.
Conner and her estranged spouse each were assigned an NDS mediator, and a meeting was scheduled at a church located between their homes. When each party was given a turn to speak at the session, Conner was done “in about two minutes,” she said, while her husband took for the floor for about 45 minutes.
“I had a specific goal,” she said. “My husband had a lot of things he wanted to get off his chest. He needed to be heard and had some stuff to say and after that, our relationship improved. After two hours, things were settled. We were able to negotiate an agreement, and we were both very happy with what happened.”
Program Administrator Jacob Kanagy said that, like with Conner and her husband, resolutions often are reached quickly just by bringing the parties together, along with some skilled intervention.
“Many cases come out of miscommunications and people not understanding each other,” he said. “They often have assumptions about each other that are not true.”
Besides custody issues, NDS offers mediation for landlord-tenant, business, neighbor and family disputes, Kanagy said. NDS is funded through Dauphin County, local townships and boroughs, the Kline Foundation and other area organizations, and local police departments and district justices refer many of the cases.
“We see people of all ages throughout the economic spectrum,” Kanagy said. “The most common disputes are between landlords and tenants or neighbor to neighbor.”
In total, Neighborhood Dispute Settlement’s 22 volunteer mediators oversee a total of about 500 cases each year. Hearings usually last two hours and are held in a neutral location, such as a neighborhood church. If a matter isn’t resolved within two hours, a second session is offered.
Bob Aims started volunteering as an NDS mediator two years ago after moving to Lake Meade in Adams County. He served many years in a similar position while living in Harford County, Md.
“The service is very valuable and can save court time,” he said. “In Maryland, the judges sometimes requested mediation before court. It’s a great savings and makes sense for people.”
Aims said that he underwent 40 hours of training to serve as a mediator. He was taught that the job involves three principles: don’t give clients advice; remain nonjudgmental; and an agreement between parties is the ultimate goal.
During sessions, mediators work to remain focused on the topic, as well as on respecting clients’ feelings and values. At times, it’s a fine balance, Aims acknowledged.
“In the beginning of mediation, it’s not uncommon for (the clients) to shout,” he said. “We expect that each party will respect each other, but sometimes they need to vent, too.”
Kanagy acknowledged that sometimes emotions can get high.
“Part of mediation is to control how far things go,” he said. “But, in a way, it’s healthy to express emotions.”
As a volunteer mediator, Aims has overseen all sorts of conflicts—from neighbors with property disputes to landlord/tenant problems. He’s also overseen business cases and custody disputes, which he finds the most unpleasant.
He does like the “sense of accomplishment” he feels when dissenting parties are able reach an agreement through mediation, which is usually the result.
“I don’t care what the agreement is,” Aims said. “But, as long as (both parties) come to an agreement, then we were successful in that process.”
Kanagy said he enjoys seeing the positive impact that NDS has.
“I hope that people can walk away from this with a sense that conflict can be solved in a constructive manner,” he said. “I hope they realize that violence shouldn’t be the initial reaction to conflict and that there is an alternative. Positive things can come out of conflict.”
For more information about Neighborhood Dispute Settlement, visit www.disputesettlement.us or call 717-233-8255.
Author: Phyllis Zimmerman
